Oh, now look at that couch.
This is something you could consider, although I'm not sure how well...
What is that? Sort of linen is going to wear.
You know what I'm going to wear to the fundraiser Friday?
Or is it Saturday? A lovely linen shirt with my new Zegna suit.
That's a funny word, Zegna. The G is silent. Silent G like lasagne.
- Niles. - Yes?
Do you notice that?
You've been awfully chatty lately.
No, but Daphne mentioned it to me this morning.
What about this one? You must make a decision.
We've been to six stores already. That reminds me.
I must cancel our squash game tomorrow...
- Don't you hear that? - Yes. Like a nervous tic of some kind.
- What could be causing it? - Let's see.
You have a baby on the way.
Perhaps your incessant jabbering is just a way of distracting yourself
from this life-changing event.
How could I have missed something so obvious?
Well, it's not so hard to believe.
You were 15 before you realised there was a correlation
between getting beaten up every day and going to school in a Panama hat.
Niles.
- Does that woman look familiar? - No, but you know what does?
This couch. We're back where we started. Will you pick something?
My God.
That's Ronee Lawrence.
- Who? - She used to babysit for us.
Oh, my God, I... I had a crush on her.
She's the first girl to ever break my heart.
I used to watch her making out with her boyfriend.
Chad.
Ronee Lawrence.
She's the fiend who told me all those ghastly bedtime stories
about tiny insects that would crawl into my ears and eat my brain.
Earwigs.
I... I wore a football helmet to bed for a month after that.
Yes.
Yes, I know. You really had Dad's hopes up for a while.
Excuse me, uh, are you Ronee Lawrence'?
That's what it says on my driver's...
Wait a sec. Frasier?
- Oh, my God, it is. - Hi, Ronee.
Ha, ha. Oh, good to see you.
- Niles and I were just... - Niles?
Oh, my God, little nervous Niles. I can't believe it.
Well, it's all terribly true. Ha, ha.
Wow, you look fantastic.
Oh, well, it's a lot of work.
Course it is. Exercise and dieting and all.
- No, I've had a lot of work. - Oh. Ha, ha.
Every time anything sags, drags, or bags,
I get Dr. Goldman right on top of it.
And then I call a plastic surgeon.
- Oh, ha, ha. - Ha, ha.
- Funny. It's nice running into you. - Yeah.
Niles, we've got a moment, I think. What have you been up to?
Oh, I sing and play the piano at the Wellington Hotel.
- Oh, great, great. - Yeah. Of course, I know what you do,
- Mr. Big-Time-Radio-Shrink. - Oh, well.
Actually I'm getting back into private practise.
In fact, we're here today picking out a couch for my new office.
I saw you, uh, checking out the Barcaloungers.
You buying a chair for your husband?
Only if it's wired for electricity.
- Ha, ha. - We're divorced.
Oh. Ha, ha.
Well, you must come by the house to do a proper catch-up.
I know my dad would love to see you again.
Well, actually, I'm free tonight.
Well, then how about cocktails around 7? I'm at the Elliot Bay Towers
- on the Counterbalance. - Great.
It'll be just like old times.
- Except you get to stay up late. - Ha-ha-ha.
Niles, do you remember when I used to tell you those scary bedtime stories?
No, not really.
Yeah, yeah, you thought that there were earwig eggs on all the furniture
and you started taking one of those hankies and wiping off all the chairs
before you'd sit because you were afraid that:
Nothing still, I'm sorry.
I'm glad. You know, for a while there I was afraid
that maybe I scarred you for life.
Bloop. Ha, ha.
I gotta run. I'll see you guys tonight.
- Right, bye. - Okay.
Okay, go ahead, Niles.
- Oh, she put her fingers in my ear. - I know, I know.
I understand. Give it a good wipe.
So, Frasier, did you find a couch?
No. I must have tested a hundred for him.
You know, have some sympathy. Obviously, my foot-dragging
is a kind of avoidance.
After all, I haven't been in private practise for 12 years.
Maybe I don't have the skills anymore.
Oh, don't worry. Your patients will never notice.
If he doesn't pick a couch, his patients will be lying on the floor.
What is this? It smells... Oh, it's olive tapenade.
You're going to a lot of trouble for a drop-by-sometime kind of evening.
Here, Daphne, try this. Try one of these.
Spring rolls. We found the best Chinese restaurant today.
Niles.
- Sorry, darling. - Still got the gift of gab, I see.
I really don't know why you insisted we be here tonight.
I didn't want Ronee to think I was coming on too strong.
I was hoping this reunion might start a countdown
toward a future liftoff from Cape Crane-averal. Uh?
If you tortured that metaphor any more, you'd be before a tribunal in The Hague.
- Oh, Dad, hey. - Hi, guys.
Well, what's with the fancy spread?
Niles and I ran into Ronee Lawrence today
and she's coming over for cocktails. Remember, our old babysitter.
Yeah, I remember Ronee. Pretty little thing.
Yeah. How's she looking these days?
Out of eyes pulled so tight she could land a role in Flower Drum Song.
She happens to look fabulous.
Which you will soon see for yourself.
She's playing piano down at the Wellington.
- Ronee, hi. Come on in. - Oh, nice.
Good to see you.
- Meet my sister-in-law, Daphne. - Hi.
- Lovely to meet you. - You remember my dad.
Oh, I sure do. How are you, Mr. Crane?
It's Marty, and I'm just great.
Gee, you haven't changed a bit.
Oh, yes, I have. I can legally drink now.
- Hint, hint. - Oh, would you like a glass of wine?
- Yes, thank you. - Dad, why don't you get a beer?
So, Ronee, what have you been doing all these years?
Singing mostly. I play at the Rendezvous Room
- down at the Wellington Hotel. - Is that that place that revolves?
It used to. It broke two years ago.
Ha-ha-ha! That's terrific.
Yeah, I had a couple of shots at the big time.
You know, sang in some swanky rooms. I even made an album.
- Oh. - Ronee Lawrence Mood Swings.
It sold about seven copies,
and that's when Ronee Lawrence had herself a real mood swing.
Well, I'm sure the album was just wonderful.
You know, maybe I can interest you in a duet a little later.
- Oh, that'd be fun. - Yup, wouldn't it, though?
I have a feeling that our musical styles just might harmonise.
Ronee, I bet you really wow them at the Rendezvous.
Well, you know, it's not exactly Carnegie Hall.
Most of them are half in the bag and just trying not to spill their drinks.
And I'm just talking about the cocktail waitresses.
Ha, ha! This girl's a riot.
Dad, could you help me with something in the kitchen?
- Now? - Right now.
Hey, uh, don't be too long, you two. Mama likes an audience.
Good, because Daddy likes to watch.
What the hell do you think you're doing?
I was working my magic on her. Why are you so upset?
Well, I'm working a little magic of my own
and your magic is mucking up my magic.
But I thought you brought her here for me.
Since when do I bring you women?
What are you, the sultan of Brunei?
Hello?
What?
Oh, you're kidding.
Yeah, yeah, okay. I guess, yeah.
- See you in a bit. - Something wrong?
Oh, I have to go into work.
I can't believe it. The guy who fills in on my night off called in sick.
- Oh, no. - Sorry.
- Promise me we'll do this again. - You know we will.
- You can count on that. - No way you can keep us away.
Frasier, you owe me a duet.
It was great to see you, Marty.
You should all come down to the club sometime.
You can count on that too.
We'll be there with bells on.
- Okay, bye-bye. - Bye-bye.
- Bye. - See you later.
Can't believe the way you are humiliating yourself.
A man your age.
Hey, she was flirting with me.
She was flirting with me. You just got caught in the crossfire.
Daphne, you saw it. Which one of us was she attracted to?
How stupid do you think I am?
Does it say "stupid" on my forehead?
Fine. If you insist on humiliating yourself, how's this?
I'll invite Ronee over for dinner this weekend, she can choose for herself.
- Agreed? - Fine.
Make sure she brings a friend so there's someone for you.
I'm going to McGinty's.
You don't suppose he's sneaking down to the Rendezvous, do you?
No. Only a scoundrel would violate a gentleman's agreement that way.
Quite right. Dad is nothing if not an honourable man.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Can we give you a lift down there?
No, I want to freshen up first. See yourselves out.
♪ Don't change a hair for me. ♪
You've only got the two.
♪ Not if you care for me. ♪
It's a good thing you've got money.
♪ Stay, little valentine ♪
♪ stay. ♪
Like you've got anywhere else to be.
♪ Each day is Valentine's Day ♪
I'm gonna take a little break.
Try not to kill yourselves from disappointment, hmm?
- Hey, Frasier, what a nice surprise. - Hi.
I guess I didn't want our little reunion to end so abruptly.
Well, you're not the only one.
- I had a feeling you might say that. - There you go, Ronee.
Thanks.
- Hi, Fras. - Dad.
Yeah, Marty didn't wanna call it night, either. He's quite the party guy.
- Ha. Yeah. - Walter, you're alive.
You said you were going to McGinty's. How long have you been here?
Forty-five minutes. You shouldn't have spent much time on your hair, Louise.
- So, boys, who needs a drink? - I'll have another beer.
You know, Dad, you really ought to slow down there.
You know, at his age, one slip and it's the ICU and then it's "I see you later."
- Ha, ha. - I wouldn't worry about me, Fras.
I don't feel any older now than I did
when you were parading around in your mother's heels.
Course, that was just last Christmas.
I've gotta do another set. Are you gonna stick around?
- You bet. - Absolutely.
- Sure, won't miss it. - Ronee got me a ringside table
- right next to her. - And that's because I want you
and your pockets right near my tip jar.
Oh, you're after my money, huh?
Say, Ronee, it's such a beautiful piano.
It's a shame we didn't get a chance to do our duet.
Let's do it now.
- Really? - Sure.
You don't mind scrunching, do you? My bench is a little small.
I don't mind scrunching at all.
Hey, listen, is it just me, or am I getting some signals here tonight?
Oh, it is most definitely not just you.
Ha, ha. Hi, drinkers, I'm back.
And, no, no, you're not seeing double for once.
I have a guest with me tonight.
Believe it or not, I used to babysit this guy.
I know, I know, how does she stay so young?
Dr. Goldman.
- Aren't they adorable? - Ha, ha.
- Please welcome Dr. Frasier Crane. - Yeah.
You know this one?
- Oh, I love this song. - Oh, me too.
I'd like to sing it to someone special here tonight
but, well, I'm afraid it might embarrass him.
Oh, I'm sure your special someone would just love to hear it.
Really?
Okay, then, here goes.
♪ I get no kick from champagne. ♪
♪ Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all. ♪
♪ So tell me then ♪ ♪ Why should it be true. ♪
♪ That I get a kick. ♪
♪ Out of you. ♪
♪ I think you're cute, Marty Crane. ♪
♪ I think that if your poor hip ♪ ♪ Wasn't stiff. ♪
♪ You could dance just terrifically too. ♪
♪ I get a kick out of you. ♪
I'd like a "T".
I'd like to buy a vowel.
Frasier?
Do you realise the door's wide open?
Yeah.
Pizza guy forgot to close it when he left.
What're you doing here?
Don't you remember? We had plans to watch Don Giovanni on PBS.
Kind of into Wheel of Fortune right now.
Wow, you look awfully dapper.
Yeah, I'm meeting a friend.
Dad, you don't have to be so coy. I know where you're going.
Having dinner with Ronee.
Ho-ho. So things are going well?
Aw, yeah, great, great. It turns out she had a crush on me
back in the days she used to sit for you boys.
Well, I better scoot.
- See you, boys. - Bye, Dad.
Ooh. Are those profiteroles?
Sorry, did you want one?
No, but thanks for offering.
Frasier, what's going on with you?
You're showing classic signs of depression.
Because I'm depressed, you nit.
But why?
Ronee and you aren't compatible.
You have few interests in common.
- She's as coarse as sandpaper. - I know.
I know there was no future for me and Ronee. It's just...
I'm depressed, Niles. I... I...
I don't know why.
Wait a minute.
Yeah?
Wait a minute.
I think I can make a really great sandwich
out of all my leftover chutneys.
Frasier, you have gotta snap out of this.
You start seeing patients soon.
Your realise you're only using food to fill a void.
Oh! I forgot to void that cheque to the dry cleaner.
I got my camel coat home. It had a spot the size of a Krugerrand.
- I know for a fact it was not... - Niles.
Sorry.
What are you doing with Dad's Velveeta?
What do you think? I'm gonna eat it.
Okay, Frasier, this isn't funny anymore.
- Oh, my God. - What is it?
It's Viagra.
They give that away with Velveeta?
No.
It's a prescription for Martin Crane.
Why do you suppose he would put it in here?
Well, hiding it, I assume.
What better place than a box Pandora herself
would be loathed to open?
- It's Dad! Oh! - Oh! Sorry.
Where'd you get it? He's gonna...
Dad, hi. What are you doing back so soon?
I forgot something.
My um... brella.
You're not gonna find it in the kitchen.
No, I guess not. Ha, ha.
Oh! I just remembered.
Ronee wanted me to get her an appetizer.
Uh, what looks good? Oh, Velveeta. That goes with anything.
All right. Well,
you boys have got your opera that you wanna watch,
so I'll just get out of your way.
See you later.
- Now what? - Okay, okay.
We've got time to think. It's gonna take him a while to discover the pills...
- All right, where is it? - Frasier took them.
- Dad... - This is pretty funny to you, huh?
- No, sir. - Then what is it?
You're still so sore you're trying to mess things up for me?
No, Dad, I found them by accident. I tried to put them back.
I didn't mean to embarrass you. Here.
Oh, forget it. I'm just gonna cancel with Ronee.
- Dad. - No, the whole night's ruined anyway.
But the important thing is you boys had your little laugh.
Well, I'm glad someone enjoyed it because I'm starting to think
that it's just too much trouble. I'm just gonna break it off.
Why would you do that, Dad?
You're not gonna let what happened tonight
end things with Ronee, are you?
Is there something else going on here?
Well, I don't know. I...
Ronee and I have been getting kind of close this week
and last night we started fooling around
and it was great.
I mean, I was rounding the bases,
coach was waving me in. There wasn't even gonna be a play at the plate.
- Dad, it's us. - Huh?
Oh, right.
Well, anyway, that's when something happened.
Or didn't happen.
Which has never not happened before,
so I decided today to go out and get some
cheese.
I just couldn't stop picturing her the way she looked
when she was a teenager. It was creepy.
And even with
cheese I don't think I'd ever feel
good about being with her.
Dad, when she was babysitting for us,
- did you ever notice her? - Yeah.
She was a very pretty girl.
And did Mom ever notice you noticing?
Oh, yeah.
We even had a fight once about it.
Well, there you are. You're still feeling guilt and shame
for being attracted to her all those years ago.
But she's an adult now.
You should allow yourself to explore these feelings.
Very good, Frasier.
Thank you, Niles.
You know,
perhaps my depression over losing Ronee
was actually rooted in my feelings for her from long ago as well.
After all, she's the first woman to reject me.
Though she never knew it, I...
Perhaps by pursuing her again,
I was hoping to undo that first rejection,
thereby erasing all the subsequent rejections in my life,
and giving myself a much-needed shot of self-esteem.
Did you hear that?
My analytical skills are on fire.
Yes, and your own horn-tooting skills haven't abandoned you either.
Well, so much for worrying about whether I'm ready to get back
into private practise. The answer is a resounding yes.
You better be sure because it's a completely different animal.
Oh, the Zoo's having a fundraiser.
I signed you up for $200 That's the safari level.
- You know who has malaria? Mrs... - Niles!
Do you realise your babbling kicks in
whenever I talk about my return to private practise?
Perhaps this condition of yours has less to do with baby jitters
and more to do with my entering your domain. My God!
If I get any hotter, I'm gonna set off the sprinklers.
Oh, get over yourself! Why shouldn't I be anxious?
Can't I ever have one thing that's just mine?
It's like when I discovered backgammon or fencing or...
Niles!
Relax.
It's okay.
You are an excellent psychiatrist. I couldn't eclipse you if I tried.
Thanks.
You're sure?
Yes.
Splendid.
And, Dad, you should go down and see Ronee.
- Oh. - She must like you a lot.
Considering who she passed up.
I don't know. I know it sounds crazy,
but I just keep seeing her in that ponytail
and that parochial school uniform.
Ronee didn't go to parochial school.
- She didn't? - No.
That was our other babysitter, Sally.
Oh, right. Sally the slut.
I liked her.
You mean, all this time I've been thinking she was someone else?
See you.
Dad, don't you want your cheese?
Nope. Thanks, boys,
but I'm working without a net.